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Mar 9
Speaking Of Lies: Free Checking

It sounded so good on TV, free checking, free bill pay, free ATM, free this, free that. So when I needed a new checking account, that’s where I went. “Can we help you, sir?” “Yep,” I said, “I want me one of them free checking accounts.” I always talk that way when I’m excited, and who wouldn’t be excited at the prospect of getting a free checking account.

We sat at her desk, and she explainedSome banks use a definition of 'free' that means $100. all the options of the free checking accounts, and I’m thinking, hey, if they are free, give me the one with the most features and I shall be on my way.

“Now the account I recommend for you,” she said, “is this one. The sign up fee is only $100 and blah blah blah….” I’m not sure what she said after the $100 part.

“Excuse me?” She spoke as though to a child. “The sign up fee is only $100….” I lifted my hand and she stopped. “One hundred dollars?” “Yes, sir?” I wondered if I was having one of those blackout spells. “This free account costs $100?” “Yes, sir,” she repeated slowly. “Do you have any free accounts that don’t cost $100?” “Umm, no, sir.”

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