I don’t know whether these items are from actual résumés, as claimed all over the Internet, or whether someone made them up, but they serve as horrible warnings, if nothing else.
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
Reasons for leaving last job:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
Job responsibilities:
"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
Job objectives:
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
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